How To Save A Life
by CrazySuperHeroine
Summary: 'He saw this coming. It was an inevitable outcome for his life. Now he's plugged onto a heartbeat monitor, it's beeping constant and calming. He hadn't meant for it to go this far. Nope, he hadn't meant to make his best friends worry. But what could he do? No one would believe the reason for his little 'accident'.' Songfic; The Fray - How To Save A Life.


_How do you save the life of the one person who doesn't know what to live for?_

He saw this coming. It was an inevitable outcome for his life. Now he's plugged onto a heartbeat monitor, it's beeping constant and calming. He hadn't meant for it to go this far. Nope, he hadn't meant to make his best friends worry. But what could he do? No one would believe the reason for his little 'accident'.

Who would believe that James Diamond is an insecure, suicidal teenager?

They saw him as perfect, flawless in every way. Little did they realise that, if they had bothered to check that part of his thigh that was always hidden behind his three-quarter shorts, they would realise how _imperfect_ the vain Diamond is. They would realise that James isn't as strong as he comes off as. Unbelievable, ain't it?

Especially if they noticed how _he_ pulled a certain blonde _away_ from depression after the blonde's _girlfriend_ moved away.

All James had to do was forcefully drag Kendall to the couch, stating that they needed to talk. The brunette could remember clearly how his blonde best friend reacted, his bottle green eyes broken, a frown etched on his lips. Kendall didn't want to talk. Instead, the usually strong leader just stood from the couch, where James had pushed him onto, and made his way towards the door, his gaze fixed on his moving feet.

However, before Kendall could leave the empty apartment, James grabbed his wrists and sighed, unaware of the slight wince on the blonde's face when his arm was tugged slightly. "Sit down," the brunette ordered. "It's just a talk."

The blonde had been depressed since Jo left, not leaving the apartment unless Gustavo called for him and always, _always_ crying his eyes out, whether it was morning, noon or night. It has been worrying Mama Knight and even Katie. Kendall has _never _been this upset over _anything_. Not for this long, anyway.

Thankfully, the tall blonde sat back down, smiling softly at James, as though he would be able to cut this 'talk' short. The brunette shot him his own charm-filled smile, staring intently at the younger boy. Kendall's hair was uncombed, his eyebags dark and heavy, and his body structure slumped. His body seemed lifeless, dead. A heart beating without a purpose.

_Hey, much like me_, James thought as he studied the little life that remained in this blonde.

They stayed silent for a while as Kendall shifted over to the other couch on James's left, leaving the brunette with a clear view of their window on his right. Diamond didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to break the fact that he_ did _realise what Kendall was doing to himself. He was afraid of what may happen. What's worse is that he partially blamed himself. James sighed as he wondered why he came back to the apartment to talk to the hardheaded leader.

But he couldn't risk losing the blonde. He could handle losing the leader to another woman, but _never_ out of the brunette's life. Kendall was everything to him. His best friend, brother, ex-boyfriend. Everything. They were inseparable back in Minnesota, both having confessed their feelings to one another and began dating. Until they moved to Palm Woods.

The second Kendall's eyes set on the newcomer, Jo, James already held no significance in the blonde's life. The Big Time Rush leader called their relationship off and chased after Jo until he got her. Never once did the blonde realise that James was suffering in silence. Perhaps the facade the brunette put on was just too convincing because, truthfully, _no one_ realised the pain hidden behind the pair of hazel eyes.

Kendall's shifting made James come back to the task at hand. This time, the hazel-eyed boy realised that his best friend was wincing at every slight movement of his arm. He knew that face well; considering the fact that James held that face for a few weeks when _he_ first started cutting.

With a sigh, James stated bluntly, "Take off your shirt."

The young blonde looked at his best friend, appalled. When the brunette didn't make any changes to his statement, Kendall reluctantly tugged his shirt over his head, revealing an arm filled with deep scars. They didn't even seem to have been treated.

"Wait here." James went over to the bathroom and grabbed the antiseptic that he usually used for his own scars on his thighs, smiling sadly at his own way of salvation. He was the least bit shocked to see that the blonde had listened to his words, still shirtless but moved to James's side of the couch.

Kendall's eyes widened when he saw the antiseptic in the brunette's hand as James settled next to him. "W-What are you doing?" Kendall stammered, using the palm of his hand to cover part of his numerous scars.

"Cleaning it up," James said nonchalantly. "Don't want it to be infected, right?"

"Why are you doing this for me? Why aren't you running to Mama Knight, screaming at her about my scars?" Kendall stopped and hissed when the cooling cream was applied onto his scars, both old and new.

James was silent for a while, contemplating whether he should confess to his own problems. He decided not to. "Even if I did," the brunette whispered, smoothing the cream out evenly. "Would it make you stop?"

Because it sure as hell wouldn't make James stop.

The blonde gulped and shook his head. He wondered how James was so unusually calm about this. "But you should, isn't it for the best?"

"Pressure won't help you drop your new addiction, Kenny. You're still new to this, aren't you?" Kendall nodded to this, unsure of what James was trying to say. "You'll stop, eventually. Just don't cut anymore. You have me to turn to now. You're not alone."

"You won't understand!" the blonde shouted as tears streamed down his cheeks. "You won't understand what heartbreak is! You've _never_ had your heart broken into pieces before, either!"

_Silly boy_, James thought, shaking his head. _It's as though you've forgotten what we used to have. I know clearly what you're going through. I haven't gotten over the pain, either._

The brunette kept calm, his voice not wavering the slightest as he said, "Maybe I don't but I know you need someone to lend a listening ear. And I'm telling you I'm here for you. Forever and always."

"Why can't you leave me to be on my own?"

"'Cause you're amazing. You don't deserve this. You want to know why so many people look up to you?" James didn't even wait for an answer as he began stating each strong point Kendall held. "It's because you're strong, level-headed and, definitely, not someone who'd resort to self-harm due to heartbreak. You're stronger than this, Kendall. Don't let Jo leaving get the best of you. Fate has its way and if you're meant to be, she'll return to you."

"I loved her so much," the now tear-stricken blonde whimpered. "Her leaving made me feel like I've had my heart ripped out of my chest. I'm not the same old Kendall. I'm not strong anymore."

"That's bullshit and you know it, Kendall," James whispered, grabbing Kendall into a bone-crushing hug. "Stop what you're doing, Ken. Come back to us."

He did. After a few months worth of late night bawling and a few close relapses, Kendall was eventually improving. The life returned to his body, his eyes shined cheerfully. The blonde had finally returned to his normal self. James checked on the Knight's scars daily and smiled when he realised the scars were fading and no new ones were visible.

Everyone was glad to see Kendall smiling again.

However, no one was aware of the lack of life in the other, vain counterpart of Big Time Rush. Despite having successfully pulled Kendall away from his way of relief, James was still struggling. His feelings for the blonde was still apparent and strong. The jealousy and hurt became worse when a rocker chick came around, Kendall eventually going out with her.

The brunette could feel him losing the inner war with himself. His scars were all over his thighs yet his pain never ceased. His heart ached for the blonde Knight. The exact same Knight who used to stare at him with love-filled eyes every night back in their hometown. How did L.A change the blonde's feelings? Was this the price James had to pay for fame?

If it was, someone should've told the brunette.

After a while, the feeling to succumb to his inner demon became overwhelming. It became harder to hide his numerous scars, which had gone from his thighs to his arms, and his Diamond charm was slowly fading. His body was always slumped, always tired and cranky _and_ he began keeping to himself, disappearing for hours at some points of time to calm the urges down. Most of the time he failed miserably, returning home only to dash into the bathroom to treat his new scars.

There was always a way for him to cut himself. A bottle, thrown onto the side of a street, a sharp piece of glass he could grab from a broken TV set. Anything that was sharp, that could draw blood at the first slice.

The pain of his blade and every other sharp object eventually became worthless. His thoughts became fogged with Kendall and how the blonde would never love him back, no matter how long the brunette waited. That one night, James went out of the house, his aim to keep his urges down somehow. Perhaps a drink?

However, he found himself at the cliffs, the breeze of the ocean brushing against his cheeks. It slowly dawned on him, _this_ was it. His final salvation. The one thing that could end his lifelong pain. James dragged himself to the edge, looking below at the waves that were slowly slamming themselves onto the rocks below. If he was lucky, maybe he'll hit his head and the pain would be over. Permanently.

There was no help for the boy who has lost his will to live.

He stretched his arms out and fell, face first, into the deep sea beneath the cliffs. His arms were scratched by the rough surface of the rocks. Yet, none hit his head. As he splashed into the waters, he heard the distant call of his name. He flipped onto his back as he continued to sink and eventually closed his eyes, bubbles floating from his mouth as he released his final breath.

_Goodbye_, was his final thought before he felt his essence of life slowly being extracted from his body. He could hear some frantic splashing coming closer to him before his whole world turned black.

Now, here he is, laid flat on a hospital bed with an oxygen mask keeping him alive. He could hear Logan's voice, filled with nothing but worry. Carlos was sobbing next to James. This wasn't meant to happen. They weren't suppose to be crying over him. The brunette couldn't hear or see anything. He so desperately wanted to open his eyes, to let his best friends know that there was nothing to worry about. James wanted to kick himself for turning to suicide.

Even if Kendall didn't love him, Carlos and Logan did. And that much should've kept him away from the cliffs. Why hadn't Diamond thought of that?

As slowly as he can, James's eyes fluttered open, cringing at the sudden brightness of the hospital room. The voices stopped, causing James to rub his eyes to see what was going on. The shorter brunette's jaw had dropped while the Latino was looking at James with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"You're alive! You're fucking alive!" Logan exclaimed, jumping onto the bed with a relieved Carlos.

"Thank God." James's head snapped towards the softer voice, shock filling his face as he stared at a tired Kendall Knight. The blonde had a dimpled smile on his lips as he jumped into the bed with the other two.

The tall brunette heaved for breath under his best friends's weights, trying to chuckle. The guys got off him eventually, all laughing in relief with tears streaming down their faces. Logan and Carlos left after a while, claiming that the whole of Palm Woods were waiting for news about James.

This left Kendall and James alone.

"Why'd you do it, Jamie?" the blonde whispered, resting his head on James's arm. Kendall was still on the brunette's hospital bed, basking in the warmth of the taller teen. "Why didn't you look for me?"

Kendall was playing with James's wrist, gently thumbing the scars as he awaited an answer.

"Because you're with Lucy."

The blonde Knight blinked his green eyes, clearly confused. James sighed, rolling his hazel eyes. "You're so oblivious. You have no idea that I'm around when the girl you're in love with is in view," the brunette sighed. "You have no idea how much I've been suffering all because I'm still in love with you."

Silence filled the room. Finally, James chuckled, "Fuck that. Not like you'd care, right, Kenny? How's Lucy?"

The hazel-eyed boy turned to his side, facing away from Kendall as he closed his eyes, his tears threatening to flow.

"Idiot," the blonde mumbled as he tugged James back. "Look at me."

The second James opened his eyes, his tears flowed. "I'm sorry," the green-eyed blonde whispered, pressing his forehead against James's. "I thought you were okay with it, that you didn't want to be with me the second we're exposed to fame. I didn't know."

"Well, you're an idiot."

"Oh, thanks. After all the dating I tried to use to my advantage to get over you," Kendall smirked, pulling his brunette closer. James laughed, burying his face in the blonde hair that he loved so much. "I still love you. Even when I'm with Jo. Her leaving meant that I had to find different ways to suppress my urges to jump you. Lucy's been helping me gain the confidence to talk to you."

Maybe he was wrong. Kendall did love him back. The blonde never left him.

"Promise me one thing?" the tall Knight whispered, pushing himself closer into James. He could feel the soft brushing of the brunette's chin on his head and assumed that the boy had nodded. "Don't do this anymore. I don't want to lose you again."

"I promise. As long as you're with me."

_How do you save the life of the one person who doesn't know what to live for?_

Easy. Talk to him. Be there for him, no matter how late at night he calls. Get him to believe in you. Pray. Lastly, if you're in love with him, tell him. _Fate has its way and if you're meant to be, he'll return to you_, safe and sound.

And, if you're lucky, _this is how you save a life_.

**A/N : I think it's obvious that I got inspiration from The Fray's song, How To Save A Life. I REALLY can't write a sad ending so I had to change this slightly to suit my... Comfort zone.  
****I hope that, yakno, this is okay. I'm not confident that what I've written is in any way true... I know from personal experience that y****ou'll constantly have relapses when you try to get over your addiction &, there are times that you tried to talk to a friend about it but get brushed off as 'overdramatic' and such, so you sealed yourself shut.**

**But, maybe one day you'll realise that you don't always need someone to stop.**

**With determination & realisation that you do have a purpose, maybe there'll be a naggy voice in your head, telling you to stop, that you have SO MUCH MORE ahead of you. **

**Road to staying clean from cutting and all that stuff is hard but you'll get through. Believe that you're strong enough & keep trying even if you failed.**

**With that, I end my A/N .**


End file.
